Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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