so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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