Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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