I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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