I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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