I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
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My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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