I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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