Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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