every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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