I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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