Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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