My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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