Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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