Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize