remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize