Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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