This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize