it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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