have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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