I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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