somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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