She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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