I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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