Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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