I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize