Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize