I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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