Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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