he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize