drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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