Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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