last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize