Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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