I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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