What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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