How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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