I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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