she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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