how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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