so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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