so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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