I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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