They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize