Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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