At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize