I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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