The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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