is your mom at the bar?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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