She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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