Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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